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Life in a moment while sitting in my car / For my daughter

It’s  ten thirty-three

and I’m sitting in the seat

of my nice red car

not drinking, not the bar.

 

I wish it was easier

than keeping it calmer,

the more advice I get – I give

The more I search for the will to live.

 

Grasping at straws trying to help

Sometimes I’m just angry and I yell.

Taking it easier and living it slow

changes my face as I move forward, grow old.

 

It’s not my age that makes a difference

It’s not the pain, it’s the helplessness.

I’ve got to give all I got to you,

to your sister and brother and your daddy too.

 

Flipping it, shaking it, sleeping it off.

I wish I could drink till my head spins off.

But, I am just spiraling now, out of control,

so I need to stay occupied, keeping my whole.

 

Don’t fret, don’t threat,

Don’t live and let die.

Be happy, not cross,

Don’t live and hide.

 

This life is a blessing

and you’ve got so much to give.

Learn to create and

to spread love and live.

my girl

now almost soon

Squinting.
I can almost see you
with vintage eyes
a scent of what’s it called… Old spice,
and a river of snakes just there…

Beware!
it’s not for me to f
a
ll
or fail.
Your touch…

soft and strong
definite and defining
reassuring and exciting
I am smiling and

seeing again for the first time
the sunburn soon to hurt.

in-sunity


shadows and light reveal

nothing through the window.

unintentionally late. someone took my place.

now sitting

uncomfortably

on a bench,

waiting for an opening.


my first “intake.”

heavy heat is settling in.

fragments of feelings screened by plain yellow door,

cracked walls,

broken sun and then,

diffident, I resist,

refrain from testifying to the ominous presence

threatening my existence.


refrain…

a breeze is what I need.

cool air on my face…

grains of sea salt amplified by longing

touch my lips, my tongue.

movement of waves

back and forth…

waves of movement ooze electricity up my thighs

ripple behind, round my breasts,

up and over and around

softly caressing, rocking, pacifying

rocking…


for one brief moment I feel good.

but,

me:

intellectually guarded, confounded

wrapped in self pity, self loathing, self preservation and

fears. louder voices wake me from my fantasy,

call my name.

there, in a circle of professional strangers

are slips of paper slipped through time,

survivors of crimes, tormented lines, abused curves,

dots and coffee stains.

my frightened beads glance around,

a bird soon to be caged,


I can’t remember how to fly.

they are staring at me, looking through me and beyond

to some meaningful insight.

perspectives shifting in their chairs.

scribbles and screens. they will intervene or

hold me.

(rocking… )

and then I want to be free

with no presence but my own

unafraid

unembarrassed

un-confounded…

uncertain of what I am to face but,

able.

 

the moment before dawn is the darkest,

but then there can be light.

there will be.

I will be

free.



~ entered in OpenLinkNight – week 10 at dVerse Poets Pub, Brian Miller hosting – read, link, comment, drink… enjoy!  

שירת יוסף - ቅኔ ዮሴፍ

אתר שירים אישי / የስነ ግጥም ብሎግ /

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