WARNING!!!

*** Drinks on me! Read and enjoy a dVerse community of voices at #OpenLinkNight, hosted by Joe Hesch . I’ve struggled painfully with this one… Also, for some reason the spaces between paragraphs keep disappearing from the posted version…  ***
*******

the darkness of the deep

unpredictable waters. murky

 oceans.

too black to see.

lurk in shadows,

wait for moment…

is it ever?

shade is all but blinding.

scribble this, scribble that.

          [no sense.

           just make pretty!

                                        (yes, I know…

                                                               … been there. done that).]

never dare to uN-

f o   l d    the     once     sorted         and…

clean. no. Not – “clean“.

i never did fit in.

from side-doors I slip in, and

seek to find

“it”.

i, a shadow they made

from their blades

i bled and fled, always

wishing i were

dead.

break. toss. screw. chuck.

bolt. force. dare to

smile or use that seventh or ninth.

i thirst for red notes.

all my true creations

live light in dark. sometimes,

parts            of            me…        are too sharp for

s        o       m     e            to       s   e   e…

the           lUNa        comes

OUT     (shout?)        of the moon

on writes like these.

excuse me,

it’s too long… it’s just that

so many days and nights

                                                (night and day…)

I’ve been shadowing black and

blues.                    (love those blues).

trying too much to UN-

fold?

bruised and

confused?

the darkness of the deep

unpredictable waters.

you got your warning.

now –

RUN AWAY!

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About Debbie Shahar

My thoughts, fears, feelings... intertwine. They change. I do not sometimes. They too sometimes stay the same. The song in me wants to fly free. The bird has it. I need it. I cannot Let me be. "Nobody heard him, the dead man, But still he lay moaning: I was much further out than you thought And not waving but drowning." (1-4, Stevie Smith, from: Not Waving but Drowning") background image of Gravatar: photographer AB Troen, my youngest brother.

Posted on August 9, 2011, in fear, loneliness, poem and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 26 Comments.

  1. i won’t run away coz i love your writing debbie…read this a few times and it’s so multi-layered – the pain, fear, doubts shout from the page – also great flow and beat to this…you’re so welcome at the pub – feel honored to having you around

  2. your verse is not only well penned but a visual delight as well…smiles. i wont run, you got great texture to you…even in the black and blue and depths…lot of emo here,..

    • Debbie Dawnslight

      smiles to you too, brian… I always do when I see your name 🙂
      Thanks for visiting and commenting. ~ cheers!

  3. I enjoy poetry that employs form to help make a point and you’ve used this very effectively. Am I correct in reading an undertone of references to music here? That’s how it felt to me, anyway.

  4. The way you’ve arranged and disarranged thoughts and words adds to the impact of this very emotionally charged piece, and the conversational, almost rambling tone suits the substance well, making the reader feel caught up in an immediate stream of words. Enjoyed it much.

  5. Yes, responding to your note – talk to dani, she seems to have conquered the trials and tribulations of html when one wants a poem to “look” a certain way.

    I think your capitalization and word and line arrangement does charge this poem, loved the musical allusions..gave a depth and tonality to the work overall. Enjoyed it a lot! Gay

    • Debbie Dawnslight

      thanx Gay. I saw that dani wrote that she’ll be away for a few days. I’ll ask her if I can’t figure it out.
      I appreciate your kind response. thank you! Deb

  6. My head is spinning, for all the right reasons 🙂 So happy to have found your work.

  7. Emotional and heart tugging poem today…I like the layout of the words.

    D’verse has this session Critique and Craft, every other Thursday (next Thursday) if you like.

    Nice to see you ~

  8. Joanne Elliott aka soulsprite

    The chaotic mind expressed…but I won’t run away. I like this line:
    “all my true creations

    live light in dark.”

  9. well, debbie, it seems your mind and heart are open, spilled onto the page of this write in black and blue ink as you thirst for the red notes. I like the visual elements to the piece. I am a huuuuuuge fan of adding visual elements to my poetry. Thanks for your fun comments on my photo blog, too 🙂

  10. Exciting experimental stuff, this – well, it’s experimental to me, I wonder if it is to you… I felt a real surge of anticipation as I began to read, would not have guessed you would have sustained it so well. A really fine poem.

    • Debbie Dawnslight

      David, thank you so much! I feel like this time it was a real experiment and struggle with my words, changing and re-arranging… i’m glad to know how you felt.
      ~Thank you!

  11. I think you’ve summed up with your writing one of the biggest issues I take with this messed up world. We do like to run from the dark..why? Because in the darkness there is truth, wisdom, honesty, and all those things that make us want to acknowledge our beautiful imperfections. We are all born of darkness, and it’s a poetic high-five to you for learning to love and embrace it…no matter what the masses tell us we should do! Thought this a wonderful write, and enjoyed the structure and presentation as well. Bring on the shadows! 🙂

  12. Yes, I have been there! The stream of consciousness feel really brings the feeling home. I like it!

  13. This is a wonderful write. You’re inspiring me to experiment more!

  14. pain..fear..emotional..great write.

  15. Strata upon strata builds and fills an amazing multi-structure – hidden depths and a real reading experience.
    Inspired.

  16. I’m a big fan of experimental poetry and there were elements in this that had a great beat. I felt some real spin on the word play. Thank you for sharing it.

  17. Very interesting write. Liking he formatting, seemingly random but I suspect a method to the madness. Organised chaos. Like very much

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